My life well spent

2011-02-02T05:03:00.001+08:00

I dont know if I hate you or love you
So I'll kill you when I kiss you

No foul play. Deal?

2010-10-12T22:53:00.003+08:00

My money's been draining away slowly. Usually, I'd feel the pinch of it.

But not so now.

Because its used for my friends and family. A small percentage for personal expenses of course.

So today was NPAP 2011 selection. The turnout wasnt as big as everyone anticipated. Especially the PC selection. There was supposed to be more people from what I gather. Unlike other NPAP selections, this one felt so different. First was the introduction of what I deem, the hardest drill to execute!

THE HIGHLANDER!

So PC selection was done by executing the highlander. The trainer's selection was a rather awkward one though. Not my place to say what happened but I wish to not see it happening in front of us. There's nothing good coming around if dissent is displayed for all to see.

Nevertheless, it was a day well spent!

Sigh. Immediately after selection ended, im dragged back to earth! Tomorrow back to work!

2010-10-11T21:36:00.002+08:00

I have a plan for the future. A short term plan. The plan is not for my benefit. Nor does it revolve around me.

That plan is NPAP 2011. The first phase begins tmr.

And so I shall prepare my uniform for the very last parade in my npcc life.

I hope that this undertaking will bring some light and inspire confidence that people have lost. Yes, it is a select few that this plan revolves around.

Insya-Allah it will work. For the well being of others.

LETS JUST HOPE NS DOESNT INTERFERE!

2010-10-10T19:28:00.003+08:00

A short update before i go all argumentative today. haha

So I failed my ppcdl prac test for the 2nd time. But unlike the 1st test, this one was sooo much well done. It was just unfortunate that I had an immediate failure. Otherwise, it would have been a perfect score! Nevertheless, the failure has given me confidence to try again and fuel-ed the desire to pass. At the same time, it keeps my focus and not let my feelings get the better of me during the test, as pointed out by the examiner.

Too excited..then drive too fast. Too nervous...then cannot move.

All in all, it was a great lesson and self-reflecting day despite failing. =)

Lets hope the buoy doesnt drift away next time like it did yesterday! tsk

Edit:

Orange pastilles weren't exactly my favourite chocolate until one day. Before that, it was just the normal milk chocolate pastilles. Anyway, it wasnt the physical aspects of the chocolate that made it my favourite. It was the context in which it was given

2010-10-06T22:40:00.001+08:00

I dont want to live. I want to survive.

To constantly struggle and push my limits.

When I'm old and cant move as much as I used to, I'll look back with great fondness and say

"Life well spent!"

2010-10-04T00:03:00.002+08:00

For God's sake,

Please wake up from the smokescreen that has been placed in front of you.

Embrace the reality of your lives!

Embrace its challenges and opportunities!

Sigh.

Its disheartening to see people often relating their lives or the community to the media, movies or stories by misinterpreting its meanings. There is just so much in reality that they refuse to see or come to terms with..

For example, setting unrealistic views or outcomes of life and end up becoming WELTSCHMERZ. For people of all walks of life, there's only so much inspiration or guidance that you can get. But you have to be careful and understand how it applies in your life.

Like those extremists or terrorists who misterpret the Qur'an.

Dont let anything tear you away from the truth of reality because its just another step to your own downfall!

I'm starting to feel disillusioned by people around me. Will we never learn? Astaghfirullah

2010-10-01T23:49:00.003+08:00

I wonder who reads this blog anymore other than a select few.

But among all those people, only one matters to me right now. The Almighty.

I stumbled upon something a few minutes ago.Something that I had always half-heartedly wanted to see. But after a few minutes of browsing, I felt so terrible. Masyaallah!

No elaboration on what I came across. But it was a wake up call to observe and listen!

The error of my ways. sigh.

It is my duty and purpose in life to serve.

Thus, I shall remind myself that I am a servant of Allah.

[Quran 2.286] Our Lord! do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake; Our Lord! do not lay on us a burden as Thou didst lay on those before us, Our Lord do not impose upon us that which we have not the strength to bear; and pardon us and grant us protection and have mercy on us, Thou art our Patron, so help us against the unbelieving people.

2010-09-27T23:21:00.002+08:00

"There is no greater challenge for a warrior than to open his heart to love"

I read this in the comic strip, the Black Panther.

Conflicting but in some sense, true. How strange that it applies to me at this moment too, though im of course not a warrior lah.

However, if there any people who still read this blog (which I think so), you'll know that the current predicament that I'm in doesnt make love any complicated than perceived of. Therefore, is that challenge of opening a heart to love one that has been overcome?

Time will tell.

Insya-Allah, this love will progress on correct paths.

2010-09-15T01:00:00.002+08:00

Before I begin, this blog post is for the intention that you may find some inspiration or understanding. The contents may seem vague to some of you (what do you expect from an old man's writing?) but I pray it will enlighten or have a positive impact.

Recently, people keep throwing around about how this world is getting worse. So much evil spreading around. People losing faith, losing strength and courage. Take a look around anywhere, even in the newspapers and you'll find an article reporting a tragic event or criminal trials for example. Whether the deed is big or small does not factor.I've met people where in some situations, they refuse to do what is right because it may end up causing hurt or 'self-destruct' such as being shot at verbally by the person(s) they intend to help.. ONE CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF SUCH A SCENARIO: PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN. I will not elaborate further as I am guilty myself in many instances.

Honestly, such talk deepens my sadness at how unbecoming we are.

But this world has not ended and there is still some good. Good worth fighting for.

In spite of all the bad deeds committed, do you see people doing good deeds? even just a small act of kindness, like helping a fallen person stand up? People complain of how little good deeds and how much bad deeds there are everyday.

I used to be one of those people. The feeling of seeing so much wrongdoings weighs down on you like a huge stone on your heart. What makes it worse is when a simple good deed is belittled.

"Never judge especially since you can never read a man's true intentions" With that quote in mind, I could not understand people belittling others who try to make some good. One such example is 'going the extra mile' to help and it is perceived as anything other than truly helping a person. (common reasons such as seeking recognition etc)

Sorry I digressed. So back to the point, if you do take a closer look, you'll find that not everything is as forsaken as it seems. There was one incident where I was blessed to see beyond the smog. That I will not elaborate.

Ever since that incident, I have made it a daily priority to do as many good deeds as I can. Like I wished for on my 20th birthday; to be a better person. But like all wishes, it does not come true if you do nothing about it.

"God helps those who help themselves"

To that wish, I hold.

We can all choose to sit and do nothing as the whole world burns in flames or we can make it a better place for everyone. However, most people will give responses such as "this world is gonna burn anyway" or "what difference can one person make?". My answer is you might as well be responsible for its burning and you make all the difference there is in this world. Remember, God helps those who helps themselves.

And slowly but surely, I begin to feel that weight on my heart lift with each passing day.

2010-08-27T17:44:00.002+08:00

I have an objective for NPAP 2011. "either, or"

2010-05-25T03:58:00.002+08:00

Everything is fragile.

You wait your whole life for the dust to settle and then you realise,

the dust is your life.

If that weird, unbearable feeling of delight comes by, you take hold of what you can and grab on to it.

Because its here and then...

2010-05-19T23:29:00.003+08:00

My days have become more meaningful. My life more fulfilling.

Thank God for all that He has given me. Though sometimes people believe that the Taketh is disproportionate to the Giveth. Nonetheless, I am grateful.

2010-05-12T21:11:00.000+08:00

I've prayed to God asking to be a better person. Always

2010-05-10T20:50:00.002+08:00

Have you tasted freedom? That joyful feeling of being desire burning inside?

A freedom that only God can grant.

A freedom that I thought I never had. Though there are many things in this world that may bind me down, the HMS (Heart, Mind and Soul) was free. How ironic that we are the prisoners of our own cells with the door wide open. This new glimpse of life came to me when I was in Vietnam. Ahh my friends...the feeling there was unbelievable. For the first time within months, I gained weight quickly and even started to grow more TEMBAM. TEMBAM of all things!.

Since then, I've tried to re-live my life in sg in that same image by adjusting perception and changing lifestyle. It took quite a while since adaptability isn't one of my strengths. But it was making progress especially since the same light headed feeling and illness came back. The same things that happened when adjusting to life in Hanoi.

At the same time, I wonder if all this will boil down to one inexplicable moment that will twist my life even further. Who knows? God knows.

2010-02-23T00:38:00.002+08:00

Now here's something I found to gripe on

Having come back from OSIP, I've had to do in-house SIP for my Major Project. We've had to practise the clock in/out system similar to workplaces. Thus the same rules of latecoming and not clocking in/out applies in TP too. As for leave, only in special circumstances would it be approved.

However, the fact that the MP-SIP semester was meant to give students an experience of the real working world seems to have been lost for the in-house part. Most students who have been assigned to in-house are just kept cooped in within the campus. Reasons why these students have been kept there varies.

Now the question beckons, how beneficial is it for the student to be kept in a place with only his work to be done over a period of at least 4 months?

Restricted to the confines of the campus/lab, students are to focus on their project. However, the circumstances for approval of LOA really needs to be reviewed. Most students would of course just leave the campus or just go ahead with their activity elsewhere. In some cases, its purely of invalid reason. But perhaps their leave can be approved on the basis that the activity is his/her CCA and that the student has made sufficient progress or completed work on his project. Of course it is subject to the discretion and requirements of the supervisors.

2010-01-28T18:51:00.002+08:00

Tell my tale to those who ask.

Tell it truly, the ill deeds along with the good and let me be judged accordingly.

The rest is silence.

Integrity. Righteousness. Honor.

These few words made so much sense back then. (Why not so now?)

I've always lived by that when I was much younger.

Often turning in others for wrong deeds because I believed in making the right choice. No matter how hard the choice was. No matter the consequences of what will happen.

Because in my heart, I always knew it was right. That by doing so, it would serve the greater good and set an example. After all, as a human,

Then, at some point of time later on, I gave it all away for reasons similar to many other who have gone down this path.

Reasons such as

- Unable to bear consequences of making the right choice from the easy one. The consequences were aplenty

I was so ready to give up that life. Ready to abandon a handful of morals and ethics.

To put it correctly, it was giving up faith to the final thread.

And so it became that way for years but along the way, I couldn't live with myself day by day. Every night before sleep, I'd think of the things I did and didnt do. It's not about work done or stuff because of puny reasons such as not liking this person or laziness. Such is the conscience that weighs down on me everyday.

What was worse was that I always knew the answers to the discontent. The answers to even help others out of the quagmire in their lives.

But I never found the strength to do that.

Occasionally, I would get glimpses of hope and inspiration along the way especially from others. I'd take a look at their everyday lives and learn from there on.

Wish it was as easy as that though.

The only thing that has made me found some self-belief was going for NPCC. Knowing the fact that I was going there to teach others made a difference. But to be a good teacher, you have to practise what you preach (thus I was good at preaching last time. hehe).

But even then, NPCC was weighing me down too. I was unable to perform to my own expectations for the kids.

Then came a much needed break in the form of Vietnam. A clean slate for 2 months. A chance to start over in a new environment. A chance to take something and apply it back home in sg. Mission accomplished. Alhamdulillah, I was blessed with a companion to slowly guide me along the way even until now.

The time there allowed me to regroup my thoughts and rethink my way of life. It was like being reborn all over again.

Now at this juncture in my life, I've had the chance to come out of my shell of cowardice. The chance to live with myself once and for all. And it couldn't come at a better time. The next few days will require me to stand before a court as a witness.

Consider this my very first chance and a new leap of faith.

No matter what the consequence are for the future, at least I'll be able to live with myself and answer to The Almighty when the time comes.

2010-01-17T19:02:00.003+08:00

Some of you must be disappointed by this image-less post. But here is something written by someone so dear to me and I'd like to share with everyone. You may find that it applies to you. (Forgive the grammar errors).You may also find it controversial in some ways.

Sunday morning sunshine with Chillout Cafe...with Earl Grey tea mixed honey...with gossipping...

With soft manners and tender look...

With " Song from a secret garden", " Reason", and a song which I couldn't remember:-P played piano by you...

With peaceful and quite mind after a long last night tired of missing someone so far...

Realizing that if I continue alone by myself thinking and missing and feeling abt you, how could I have much strength? I might have borrowed it from whom...

Realizing that Slumdog Millionnaire" turned out to work on me this noon, abt someone's image, abt someone's way to strive for love

Realizing that how much u mean to me at this time?or how much I mean to you? if you continue keep it in silence and me lost in this mad world...

Ok, if this thing come to nothing. Ok if missing and striving then talking straight don't help much. Ok if one day we will regret of what we didn't do in the past, to save our feelings. Ok if I admitted that I miss you like crazy, but ya know, we can't do anything if one of us want to stop.

A coward is not deserved for anything, especially the true love.

2009-12-24T03:39:00.002+08:00

How far would one go to make things right? What level would he stoop just for the sake of others?

2009-12-22T04:10:00.002+08:00

At this time, I've decided to undergo another undertaking. All I know is its going to be a long tough ride. All is needed is self-belief and faith.

Reminds me of the fancy drill planning times I had back in August. Ideas were crazy and it needed belief. It was crazy but crazy people are successful.

2009-12-22T02:41:00.002+08:00

I realised a few things. If I dont smile, I'm an incredibly stiff and grouchy creature (goodness!). My eyebrows seem to be permanently fixed in a frown or scowl. lol. Maybe for good reason,

There's not many people that can activate the "relax" mode inside me and the ironic thing is, they're often people I rip on all the time (you should know who you are.hehe). Funny way of showing affection or friendship eh? Then again, I was always weird from the beginning.

On a different note, I've been feeling rather lost. Like Raidah said, metamorphosis (or something liddat ah). When I think of that, another thought pops up. Its a quote from a dear friend.

"I thought you were always serious. Like a good boy who does his work. But after seeing that, I realised you could be more lively and relaxed than anyone." (It was so incredibly heart warming to hear that)

2009-12-18T03:24:00.002+08:00

I intended to go to the toilet and then go to sleep.

In the toilet, an interesting thought came.
As some of you might have guessed, it had something to do with my internship in Vietnam.

A clean slate.
When we there, we were a little lost. Hardly any sense of conviction or direction because you're in a totally new place. At the same time, you got new friends and new people to start all over with albeit for two months.

A clean slate is probably one of the best gifts. The good deeds are wiped clean to pave way for greater deeds. The bad deeds are wiped clean to pave way for right deeds.

Everyone deserves a clean slate.I was fortunate enough to have a clean slate for 2 months.

2009-12-17T02:21:00.002+08:00

Things have been wonderful these past few days but at the same time,

not everything is as it seems. Some things are more than they appear.

I dont like the way this is turning out to be. It might just get dangerous.

2009-12-10T11:43:00.002+08:00

At the end of 2 months,

here's something to share about

--------------------------------

It is often said that you should follow your instincts because it often turns out right.

Because we all have ears for discerning (not hearing), eyes for observing (not seeing). At least for me.

--------------------------------

There is a big difference between doing what is right and what is easy. DOING WHAT IS RIGHT IS HARDLY EVER THE EASIER OPTION

--------------------------------

" A siberian crow lay frozen on the ground. A cow took sympathy and laid its droppings on the crow to warm it up. The crow, after being warmed up, began to caw loudly. A siberian cat, hearing the cawing, came to pull the crow out of the dropping. Once the bird was out, the cat ate it"

Moral of the story:

1) Not all those who put you into shit are your enemies
2) Not all those who pull you out of shit are your friends
3) If you're full of shit (or in deep shit), dont open your mouth!

--------------------------------

At the end of this period of time, I feel a kind of glorious sadness. The kind of sadness like leaving behind the thing you want most because you know there's something greater that you have to do. Yet with only three days left, there are some things that dont appear as what it would seem.

But anyway, its a very unusual experience to be in this place. I've said that Vietnam would change my life and it has. None of that would have been possible though if I hadn't changed a few things bout myself. Afterall, the objective that I had was the same as my birthday wish/ resolution.

To be a better person.

2009-12-08T05:06:00.003+08:00

I was fortunate but did not fully appreciate it
I had God-given talents but never used them
I knew what had to be done but did nothing

Masya'Allah. These thoughts run through me almost every second everyday to the extent that I cant sleep at all.

"I was searching for peace but I never realised that it was with me all along"

2009-12-05T13:30:00.002+08:00

It is often said that life is a matter of choice.

Choices that either narrow down your path or broaden it.
Somehow, opening up the business within a few days time seems like a tremendous choice.

I've always wanted to open the sandwich business since 2008 ever since I was involved in the Young Entrepreneurs World Cafe (system concepts.hehe). It was with a mixed feeling of reluctance and enthusiasm that I joined though. A pity that I wasnt chasing that dream and opening it up earlier because more competitors have recently entered the market this year. An odd situation because a career in the civil service was previously considered.

So that idea of entrepreneurship shifted to the back of my mind instead. Then last semester, my major project group was given a choice for our project. Choose a company or open up a business. Without thinking, entrepreneurship was chosen.Back then, it wasnt such a frightening thought. But now? we were scared shitless after not finding much stuff in vietnam to sell back in sg with a profit. Its times like these(desperation) that you consider all options. And so, I brought up the idea of the sandwich business among the guys and here we are now. (thankfully we're allowed to do focus on local products instead of Vietnamese ones. Otherwise we're screwed).

I must say that since I initiated the idea and that the others had no choice but to go along, its only natural that I'm the enthusiastic one (compared to the others of course). It would be a blatant lie to say that I'm not scared though! HAHA!

Digressed.

So anyway, I find it strange that a series of choices has pulled me into a totally different part of life. What makes it more strange is that, I'm actually considering to open up the sandwich business here in Vietnam too!..Insya-Allah soon enough. It's a viable market for sandwiches here in Vietnam. Guess OSIP has pulled me further into this business eh?

And strangely enough, I find myself feeling rather alone in this venture. I'm a solitary human being and have done plenty of crazy things in life(Many of you here can testify to that!) but why would the prospect of venturing into the virtual urban jungle seem so scary?

2009-12-03T20:36:00.002+08:00

10 more days left!

Am I better person than I was before? We'll see

2009-12-01T01:46:00.002+08:00

Why does the world revolve?
because we make it move

Why cant we live forever?
because death intensifies our own lives

What makes someone so beautiful?
because others love him/her

Is there anywhere else in the world where these answers exist?

2009-11-30T01:02:00.002+08:00

I STILL CANT LOG INTO FACEBOOK.

So sorry for not replying all the posts there.

Anyway, thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes. honestly.To list down all your names on this blog, for me, would be belittle-ing all the birthday wishes so I'll reply you one by one.

On this birthday though, I've realised how heavily indebted I am to so many people in this world. So for today, my thoughts lie with everyone else except myself. Prayers and blessings

Normally, people dont share birthday wishes but I'd like to share mine.

The wish?

To be a better person for everyone else.

2009-11-27T15:33:00.002+08:00

16 more days to ORD! lol.

Today's prize giving rehearsal was better than I expected. heh.
Tmr's the big day and I hope the kids can really cooperate.

As for the kids in my play, I guess they werent so bad after all. Like many people, you cant expect to be treated with respect immediately after taking over. Among all the others, they're probably the more disciplined and well behaved ones albeit the 2nd youngest group.

Will post more photos here after tmr.

2009-11-24T01:07:00.003+08:00

This post comes after a few times of drafting.

Words have desserted me so here's a song that best matches the feelings.

"In the arms of an angel" by Sarah Mclachlan

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that will make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough

And its hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Or beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Or weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find
Some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It dont make no difference
Escape one last time

Its easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh, this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find
Some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find....

Some comfort here

2009-11-24T00:26:00.003+08:00

Here's something I saw in an article from yesterday's "Vietnam News". It concerns education in Vietnam.

"If the whole point of teaching is to just impart knowledge, then it defeats creativity and knowledge". Something along those lines. The moment I read that line, I knew where I had gone wrong for the past few years.

Today we were temporarily assigned to another centre in Hanoi. Apparently we had to help out the teachers to prepare everything for the prize giving ceremony on 28th Nov. A very prestigious event it seems.

The best part was I'm having to direct a play. Just like old times in drama club raidah! haha!. How nostalgic.

However, there was more than one instance where the teachers had to discipline them. I cant help but feel sorry for both teacher and students. heh. Now I truly understand why many people prefer not to scold. On a much lighter note, its 20 more days till ORD! (heh. act like in NS already)

2009-11-21T18:30:00.000+08:00

Will it be a success or a failure?

We can only work towards either one

2009-11-21T01:48:00.003+08:00

Know that you unknowingly are a source of inspiration
Know that you unknowingly are a pillar of strength for others to hold on to
Know that you unknowingly are the reason people find courage
Know that your presence unknowingly is enough to calm others
Know that you unknowingly move others to take action

Know that you make a BIG difference to others simply because of what you are..even if you do nothing.

You are who you are. And that alone makes you special

2009-11-19T20:25:00.001+08:00

Vietnam wont allow us to log into facebook!

I wonder why

2009-11-19T02:41:00.002+08:00

Today was a fruitful day. Mainly because of what was reminded.

Integrity.

The training executive knocked some sense into me and today's lesson was the best ive taught so far. Felt like a real teacher and learnt from both the students and myself.

On a separate note, I've come to the terms that leadership comes in many forms. The only thing that sets it apart is the direction and the goals which in turn defines the style.

I.e, if you're a leader with an f-ed up vision, then you're more likely (but not entirely) to have plenty of misguidance and be f-ed up yourself. That lesson came from none other than my own groupmate.

Which brings to reminds me of adults whose maturity is lower than that of the kids I teach.

So let me just reiterate to you that

"Leadership is the highest form of service which requires the highest of integrity. Service to others before self and with that in mind, it takes a great deal of modesty, humbleness and self-respect!"

2009-11-16T01:43:00.002+08:00

"Hold on to faith
Hold on to love
Hold on to whatever you have

Let your own spirit glow with the words you say and the things you do for it takes both to balance.

Shed the material weight of the world. Your own divinity is only if you would embrace its true nature."

Those words may not mean much unless you take it both figuratively and literally. If you do, you might understand these feelings inside me and know that I've revealed one of the secrets to my life. I hope that in some way, it may somehow give to you some meaning or understanding in times of need.

God-given peace. Finally found.

2009-11-13T01:37:00.003+08:00

Those nasty posts aside, I was looking through some photos on fb and talking to some people online. All of them were extremely heartening.

They've all starting to grow and really learn much. cultivated values and a great change. Referring to the npcc cadets and CIs, its very heart warming to see some thing changed for the better in the face of adversity and challenge. Last but not least, I hope they embrace the change for better times to come.

Wonder how's things back in singapore. must be sweltering hot and everyone cursing like mad.

--------------

A lvls, npcc, fishing, o lvls, school, elections, projects, NS, religion, soccer and last but not least, graduation. Find yourself up here! =)

2009-11-13T01:00:00.001+08:00

you got what you deserve

2009-11-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

What goes around comes around.

Did you ever think about what you did to them was going to end up straight back at you? Now you reap what you sow and its not good looking for help because everyone knows what you did.

It pays to be who you are. It pays to be anything at all.

2009-11-09T02:25:00.002+08:00

Growing up. literally and figuratively.

Today was a day of self-realisation. Looking at the people here, its easy for anyone to fall in love with the girls here but one of my objectives of this trip was to be a better person and learn new things that could make things better back home. In a short few weeks, plenty of objectives have been met and others still in the process.

So here's something I'd like to share.

When my group arrived in Hanoi, we were scared (so was I). Fear. Something we all felt but just didnt show. On this day however, things have escalated. Religious questions answered, tests of character and attitude and also courage.

We've managed getting around Hanoi despite the language barriers (a real test of communication!). We've only got lost ONCE
We've done our cooking and washing (HAND WASHING MIND YOU! we NEVER used a washing machine because its spoiled and laundry services are unreliable)
We're all in good health and exercising.
Work has begun to be more challenging and worth the time.
BEING THRIFTY ALSO! After all this time, I've only spent 200 sing dollars!

And lastly, my group has agreed to join in with my sandwich business as part of our major project! I daresay it'll be starting up when we return.

But the best lessons I've learnt are humility and courage. Being humble with the locals, staff, my groupmates (NO flirting also!), placing others before self and the courage to do what is right from what is EASY (and often wrong).

The time here has also allowed me to think more clearly and define future goals without much thought or trepidation is simply wonderful.

As days go by, I'm starting to be certain that my purpose in life is for one ideal and that is simply to serve others. More than half the time, I find pleasure and satisfaction in serving people and find discomfort when being served..even by waiters or cleaners in Singapore.

I guess contributing to something to make it grow for its own good is something that I enjoy more than anything else.(whether its appreciated or not doesnt matter)

2009-11-06T23:43:00.002+08:00

And so the changes have begun.

A lot of incidents happened today. Some concerned me...others didnt but had as much impact as the other.

I wonder how this will affect my life in Vietnam and future in Singapore.
*something's coming and I can feel it*

2009-11-06T02:51:00.002+08:00

As days begin to pass more quickly, I find myself slowly losing touch of words to express emotion or thought. Even more so to those I'm close to. It's like feeling words can never do justice to what the soul really intends to say to another. Human nature would say that one would resort to actions but humans being mortals, there is only so much that we can do but STILL feel like something's missing.

At this point, I have to wonder. Are we all fated to eternally chase that one spark in life that makes us complete? That one spark which simply defines our purpose in this world?

Maybe.

And then, the big question looms. What have I done with my life that has made any significant difference?

Nothing.

Guess the internship at Vietnam is giving me the biggest reality check ever. Alot of things done or not done. Words unspoken or spoken.

But I've been granted a chance at mitigation.
Dont get me wrong, things are perfectly fine here but you'd know by now I have exceedingly high expectations of myself.

On a separate note, Friday the 6th happens to be a big day for many of my friends. All the best to all of you! Hopefully all the decisions you have made for yourselves will reflect your greater sides and impact others for the best. Insya-Allah

2009-11-06T00:19:00.002+08:00

I guess the thalassemia is finally catching up with me eh? after almost 20 years.
well, it wont be a problem. heh. Its manageable.

The events for these past few days have led me to believe. A life long dream maybe fulfilled. Will it come to pass in the future? lets hope so. Insya-Allah. im working on it as best as i can.

2009-11-01T00:20:00.003+08:00

Today, unlike any other day, we went exploring...into the slums. I thought I'd seen what the slums were like in Hanoi during my forages for an english newspaper (heh) but I was wrong. From the night market at north Hanoi, we decided to walk further east to see the Red River before the night ended.

Along the way I saw what was enough to make me feel ashamed of myself. Living quarters similar to those in pre-war Singapore, poor architecture and plenty of makeshift buildings with poor hygiene and hardly any access to clean water (Unlike in Singapore, you cant drink from the taps in Vietnam). But there's no sympathy for the locals because they have their own pride and that sets them apart from anyone else. People always say that the Hanoians are used to struggles and a life of hardship and its underrated.

That's all true but even the children here have taught me a lesson before.

I think I finally understand the true meaning of humility. The true meaning of appreciation. The real feeling of having so many wonderful God-given gifts but not realising its worth until you look back. heh. Its even worse when it comes to teaching. I still remember what one of the "teachers" said to me..

"We're here to prepare these students for scholarships but with the knowledge that we have, we're hardly giving them the proper education that they've paid for"

Guess there's alot of self reflection to do. There's no room for big headedness because there's alot more to learn. Its not a damn holiday or a field trip.

2009-10-31T01:04:00.003+08:00

Here's an excerpt of a conversation I had with a certain someone. Intriguing.....

A: You ought to smile more often and appear more friendly. You look too stern sometimes.
Me: Huh? But I'm not stern at first impression!
A: Well, you look like you're always frowning! You'll make people more happy when you smile (senyum = sedekah?)
Me: haha. okay. I'll try to but I need something to smile about what
A: Why not believe that you lift people's spirits just by smiling? because its true sometimes.
Me: sure anort?
A: just ask around

What can I say?

Added on at 1.05am,

Azim and Zul were watching a video and it just starkly reminded me of you. I feel extremely guilty for being so selfish that day. Astaghfirullah. Its a small thing really that caused no real harm but nonetheless.... guess I should atone for that..

2009-10-26T03:47:00.003+08:00

How ironic.

After one week in Vietnam, I start to see things a little differently. A wider perspective given to me when back in SG, I thought I had it all figured out.

I guess I was wrong but there's still a piece of this puzzle yet to be solved.

And at this point, I begin to wonder about what I've said before.

"There will be a point of time where everything I do will never make a difference until one small moment. A moment where everything I've done or tried to do is defined but will happen next?"

Has that moment arrived or has it passed? Have I reached the point of no return?

Now the question that I've dreaded for all my life comes back to me AGAIN. What is your purpose?

2009-10-26T03:12:00.004+08:00

How do I reach these kids? Well, how bout thinking like one?

So anyway,

the week has come and gone. I still get plenty of motion sickness in cab rides. Or maybe I'm also sick of the air here. heh. All the more I have to keep a healthy lifestyle huh? Speaking of healthy lifestyle, MAYBE its one of the secrets to the beauty of Vietnamese women.

No joke here. I've seen the food they eat and how clean their surroundings are. But then again, levels of stress here cannot compare with those in Singapore. So there's another explanation. heh.

But no joke bout the pollution and hygiene here. In retrospect, i start to feel how granted i've taken the cleanliness in SG sometimes. heh. I've also had the chance of watching old Singaporean sitcoms and dramas back in the 1990s. The NOSTALGIA is simply wonderful.

Back then those TV shows gave a sense of identity to us singaporeans. No matter how unrealistic or lame the show may appear to be. It was all what we needed.

Anyway, the kids here at RV! Centre are pretty well off. Carrying iphones,ipods and idunowhatelse. You can somehow liken these kids to those in pri sch. I've come close to raising my voice but restrained from doing so. They're here for ASEAN scholarships and I'm sure as hell am gonna prepare them for what lies ahead if they do get that scholarship.

In closing, I'm feeling rather under-utilised and wasting time here. Better get into high gear and start thinking of what to do!.

Here's a phrase I'd like to share all of you. Hopefully it'll inspire you like it has for me.

"Your physical body is composed of light that comes from your every thought. When you feel lost and afraid, remember that you are a spirit who is infinite, timeless, indestructible, sacred, protected and immortal."

Photos in Facebook! Not much with my face though. Still feeling dizzy whenever my group heads out. So I'm still green.

2009-10-24T02:03:00.002+08:00

I guess I finally got how it feels like being in my mom's place.

Being a teacher.

All those crazy paper setting and markings to do. And to top it all off, you'll never know if the kids learn anything until they show it.

Luckily no class to teach for 3 days but a 3 hour class on sunday. heh. Apart from that, still trying to figure out alot of stuff here. One of the guest teachers(not really) told me this phrase that I'll never forget.

"I felt like telling Mr Chu(the manager) that I shouldnt be teaching. These students are scholars and we're giving them sub-standard education because we're not fully prepared to handle them"

That sentence brought me right back to Earth and the sharp reminder of how learning and knowledge should never be taken for granted. Especially since I'm the teacher.

So anyway, there's alot to say about Vietnam. So here's a few facts,

1) You dont need to use the traffic light. Avoid crossing the road when there's a bus or car. Other than that, you can practically walk blindly across the road and the motorcycles will avoid you albeit close shaves lah.

2) My other group mates have difficulty communicating with Vietnamese people except for me. HAHA!

3) 1 SGD dollar = 12,000 VN Dong

4) the 2 piece chicken meal at KFC is less than SGD$5. HAHAHA!

5) The apartment here has a router n cable tv to all channels.

6) Dont underestimate the locals. I still see some of them wearing red armbands. The guards at the embassies and government house carry AK-47s

7) 20th October was Women's Day in Vietnam. HAHA. I guess the females here have a special day set aside for them unlike other women in the world.

8) Cab fares are pretty cheap. Sometimes it costs less than $1 a trip.

9) Shopping here is pretty baffling as similar shops open up so close to one another

My best fact for the day: On average, a motorist in Hanoi honks at other motorists or pedestrians once every 30-45 seconds. NO JOKE!

On another random note, people often mention about how good-looking Vietnamese girls are.Well, to tell you the truth, they werent exaggerating. HAHA!

2009-10-20T11:25:00.002+08:00

We got a little unexpected event yesterday. Some kid got a deep cut on his foot in front of our apartment. We helped him out n got one hell of a reception from his friends while we washed n covered the wound.

Such a small simple thing but if you were in my place...you'd see things a whole lot differently. I guess being in a foreign land, you'll come to accept the lifestyle and nature of the locals. Let's not forget...the Americans came here and were HANDILY defeated. So instead of looking at it like it's a 3rd world country, there's a lot to learn and understand. Maybe perhaps there are going to be some things I WONT understand but that's the point isnt it?

We'll keep wondering and someday we'll know. So anyway, my working hours have increased from 9am-9pm. heh. yeahh...go yell.

So far,I've taught statistics, indices and algebraic manipulation. Today's lesson is going to be problem solving and heuristics. A topic never taught before in SG but highly useful. I cld think of tons of singaporeans who cld use heuristics!

Anyway, the locals have gained an immense respect. Hanoi used to be just an ordinary kampong but its getting into a full blown developing country. At this particular juncture of OSIP, I'm already fully enjoying myself. The locals, baffling shophouses, teaching and a wide array of products.

The kids at the centre are pretty well off so I guess its time to shift my focus from the kids to the staff at the centre instead.

And for those of you with raging hormones...I havent got my vietnamese bride. lol. So dont get any ideas!

I still havent found a crumpler bag shop or factory here in Hanoi though I know there's one in Saigon. Hopefully I can make a trip there one day.

OPEN INVITATION!: Who wants to go to Ho Chi Minh City one day?!

2009-10-20T01:21:00.002+08:00

Apparently someone nearly took meth and got so high to the extent that she thinks she's almost tranny. What happens when an underage girl with raging hormones spends too little time with girls and hangs out more often with guys?

Result: A gender confused she-male.

You know who you are my dear. *smiles knowingly* crazy bitch. haha!

2009-10-19T16:18:00.003+08:00

Let's get one thing straight here boy.

It's either you're with me...or you're not. Either one is fine by me.
Just dont get in my way.

Quote that phrase..."Its either lead,follow or get the fuck out of the way!"

2009-10-19T01:03:00.002+08:00

Something happened today that made my blood boil.

You asked for it. You wanted a full blooded guy in full gear right. Now you got one. I'm gonna fire on all fronts.

At the end of 2 months, you'll see things a little differently!

2009-10-17T13:48:00.002+08:00

Back to normal health. Thankfully!

Guess its not Hanoi but the jet lag that I needed to recover from. been 12 years since I last rode in a plane. heh.

So anyway, I'm just sticking to a spartan diet and lifestyle now. I prefer it this way though. I get sick eating all the fancy food. Lucky there's a small park in front of the apartment. Good for jogging though there arent joggers here of course.

Hanoi is pretty much smiliar to KL minus the high rise buildings. The structures here are like those you see in Chinatown and Little India though there are some french architectures scattered here and there.

As for RV! Centre...haha. I duno why but it reminds me of the house in the movie REC. HAHA!
Tmr is my first lesson. Relief teaching. Teaching statistics!

There's a hint of trepidation but teaching has always been a passion.

*Good morning class*
*Expected reply: Good Morning Mr...*

2009-10-16T23:24:00.002+08:00

Adding on...

I've prayed that this trip will bring out the best in others as well as myself. And as of yesterday, I find a purpose achieved. A hidden purpose.

Like I said...a test of faith,courage and independence.

Anyway,
I'm thankful to see everyone who sent me off at the airport. Thanks again guys!

p.s 10th time I'm going to the toilet already!

2009-10-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

ah. i knew this would happen sooner or later. Jet lag is still getting to me.

Everything else is manageable except for my own body! lol. just puked sommore. haiyo.

2009-10-16T07:07:00.002+08:00

Still feeling the effects of jet lag. damn woozy.

its already 6.05am local time in Vietnam but the sun is already at around 8am Singapore time. heh.

What lies ahead today?

p.s the balcony outside our room is has a small pool of water. I thought it was a small pond. Turns out it isnt. breeding ground for mozzies.

2009-10-14T19:21:00.002+08:00

Ah..2 months.

2 months in a whole new world where you're on your own. Funny how situations like these fall on the most unlikely people....like ILIEE! hahaha! But it's all a matter of choice eh?

So anyway, lets take a look. I'm all done packing but still there's a feeling I'll miss out something. That same old feeling that you've forgotten something when packing for a camp or trip. A good starter for this trip was a survival trip with Regu at Ubin!

1) We ate maggi using a chopstick made out of a twig. Made it ourselves.

2) Ate the fish immediately after catching. Washed,gutted and bla3

3) Used a series of spices n herbs...took from the secret garden.hehe

4) Walking around in the dark searching for firewood.

5) Fire lasted from 6pm till 5am next morning!

6) Slept in the open under the stars

Best part of all. Cycled at 5am back to Ubin Jetty. Dark as hell and damn dangerous but where's the fun in all of it if there's no danger eh? At least we had someone who tagged along with us for dark paths....a stray dog. haha.

You guys shd try it. Cycle in the dark at Ubin with only a headlight....JUST WONDERFUL.

2 months in Hanoi. I wonder if people will mistake me as a local. haha. Wouldnt be surprising since even FELLOW SINGAPOREANS mistake me for a foreigner. basket right?

2 months in which bonds and relationships will withstand the test of time. A time for self realization and discovery. Really hope iLiee feels the same way though.

To end off what might be the last post for 2 months (hopefully not)..all the best to all of you!

Stay safe and keep faith

2009-10-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

It takes a leader.

A leader of great quality to bring them to greater heights.

A leader to crush the negativity and bring optimism.

Only the best.

But when they dont have the best, I wonder if they ever complement and make up for it.

2009-10-10T04:59:00.003+08:00

For every single night of the past few weeks, I've often questioned the ramifications of going to Vietnam and leaving Singapore for 2 months. I started thinking about how life will turn out there and what impact I will have.

On a night like this, where my feelings overpower the fatigue in my body, I just need to get out of my bed and type it all out. So here goes...

I once read a story in Reader's Digest about how this man from the US put in so much effort to save three Vietnamese girls, living in a floating raft as a house (he succeeded in the end). That story got me thinking bout my own life here in Singapore and how life will be when I come back. Zul and myself thought of a community project for the Vietnamese kids there. Since that discussion, I've been getting nightmares of things happening to the kids. Been trying to shut my mind from all that but it still comes to me vividly every night. Once that happens, more unwanted feelings erupt inside.

So in conclusion, I have this naggy feeling that Vietnam will a big trial and a stepping stone of things to come. What sort of trial it is, I won't say it here.

For the first time in this blog...I dunno how to continue so I'll just end off with this...

I guess every single thing I do now will come down to one moment. A moment which defines everything I've done in my life because its what YOU DO that defines you

2009-10-08T22:15:00.002+08:00

Forced to endure.

But oh well, I'll be far far away by next week!

Impossible is nothing

Pain is temporary

But you choose what is everlasting

2009-10-06T04:37:00.003+08:00

So there's gonna be a meeting today.

My advice to you is simple.

Go change out of your misguided sense of leadership and big-headedness before you come. If you cant do, keep your mouth shut later.

We dont need a colleague like you. A colleague and a leader whose main priority is never the people under his leadership.

I spit on your feet.

Go finish your life here and never come back.

We're better off without you. two-face.

2009-10-05T23:06:00.001+08:00

It's all a matter of love.

2009-10-05T23:01:00.004+08:00

PPCDL THEORY TEST PASSED! WHOOOOOHOOOO!!

Just passed as a matter of fact. 26/30. my heartbeat has never gone up to a zillion beats per second when the computer showed my results. phew!

Too bad I'm going Vietnam otherwise i would've got my practical test before end of the year. haiyo.

oh well, at least one hurdle is over.

Here's something I saw on facebook. Azim posted it on his wall. Thought I might share it with all of you.

Day of Judgment - 6 lines When there is only a single star left in the sky. At that very moment, the path of forgiveness will close. The writing in the Quran will vanish. The sun will lower itself with the earth. Prophet Muhammad saw said, 'Who ever delivers this news to someone else, I will on the Day of Judgement make for him a place in Jannat.'

2009-10-05T01:45:00.002+08:00

two days straight of working at the same wedding. exhausted unlike any other day.

Wonder why? it's a national footballer's wedding. Khairul Amri's wedding.

yupp, i got to see the entire national team n FAS officials and bla3. even managed to talk to itimi dickson and john wilkinson.

So anyway, the event was a different one as compared to the previous ones. Mainly because its a different caterer that engaged us in our services.

I better get back to studying. Theory test tmr. haiyo.

2009-10-03T03:20:00.003+08:00

I've reflected and feel sorry.

Today's highlight was the alumni event at dunman. That event brought me into deep retrospect. Looking back at the school's history and the people that have come and gone, I begin to see a stark contrast between the generations.

Amidst all that, I think about how much seniors before me have struggled to uphold a vision amidst changing times. Quote the phrase.."the teenage phase of one's life is the most challenging of all".Keep that phrase in mind throughout this entire post.

Please do correct me if I'm wrong from here onwards.

Back then in my time, most students were placed in a CCA of their choice. MOST of us got what we chose. However, a certain change has taken place.

I heard that the CCA dept places the able-bodied students into sports or other aesthetics leaving the UGs with the not-so-rugged ones. Does your sec sch do this?

The idea of this scheme is either to create a versatile generation and groom students in different areas OR to give priority to other CCA groups (sometimes to those who are doing very well). Thus the archetype...SUCCESS TO THE SUCCESSFUL.

I strongly disapproved of this method. Why? The UGs were left to struggle for excellence with a less-than-willing bunch of newbies. It seems to be a trend not just in Dunman but other sec schools I've been to so far.

Oh my friends, my glasses were tainted. Amidst all that frustration at the school and blaming everything else, I never realised that the core problem was none other than myself.

I never realised that my own seniors had experienced the same thing but did not stray from their own beliefs. The belief in nurturing leaders, the fact that some things mattered more than just awards,badges or even friendship. They were true servants who never swayed from their duty. You may argue that they aren't so much of a leader but we could say the same for ourselves. No matter how bullshitty the generation was, they strived to make the best out of us.

Somehow in the rush of my life, I lost that sense of integrity and basic leadership. How could someone just return to his alma mater just for the nostalgia or company of friends and forget his own sense of duty? The textbook answer is out there. Worse still, those who came back had agendas that were just plain dishonorable. What is worse than a leader who only thinks of him/herself?

I wasnt promoted to SCI and didnt get the CP award.FOR GOOD REASON!.

It's time to get the priorities right. Understand the true purpose and balance out the core essentials of a leader.

There was so much to be done and I knew what I had to do. But I was too cowardly to be the subject of criticism or blame.

It's all about integrity from now on.

" A servant's focus on the people he/she serves is a must"

2009-09-28T23:56:00.003+08:00

Npcc annual parade 2010 and Singapore Youth Festival 2010 parades are coming! WHOOOOPEEEE!!

BUT

Selection dates are in October! That's when I'm out of Singapore already!

Oh well, I just emailed FI Dom.

Who wants to go join as well??!

2009-09-28T00:27:00.002+08:00

I say a prayer.
A prayer for everything we've stood for.
A prayer for everyone we've ever loved.
A prayer for what will come.

I know how things will end up in the near future. It looks bleak. Everyone's scared now. But no wallowing in self pity.

Goals have been set and it shall be done.

2009-09-27T21:22:00.002+08:00

My brother took the extra hose. money didnt go to waste! luckily.

Tried out the new stuff I bought. the effect is almost instantaneous. I can feel the recovery agent getting to work already!

WHOOPEE!

2009-09-25T02:37:00.004+08:00

WEDNESDAY,

9pm-Mohamed Firdaus decided to start cleaning the tank and experienced difficulties which included a damn messy toilet and living room. 2230-2330- Mohamed Firdaus cycled round pasir ris and tampines to find a hose but found none.

TODAY (THURSDAY)

4pm- he went to buy the hose. FOR ALMOST 30 bucks, of which a portion was WASTED.
12am - he starts to clean the tank.
230am- his mom comes down, sees the hose and asked him why he bought one when there was ALREADY one in the store!
231am- he frantically searches the store and FINDS THE OLD HOSE!

Now he is at boiling point of 100000000000 degrees, kindly please cheer or calm him down before he does something violent after having wasted almost 30 bucks that could have been put to good use!

He currently looks like this

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

2009-09-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

THE FISH TANK IS GETTING ON MY NERVES

I bought a 20m hose today. inclusive of an extension of 6m. with my own money. almost 30 bucks!. tried out the main hose. connected it to the toilet tap and to the tank. WASTED 6.50 ON THE EXTENSION!

*Insert all the bad words and expletives in the world here!*

Wonder why such a small thing like the tank is making me boil? ITS BECAUSE OF THE OCCUPANTS IN IT! I pitied them so much EVERY SINGLE DAY to the extent that i dropped everything else just to do something about the tank. The suckerfish is annoying sia, its so hard to get hold of since its grown so much and is so slippery.

Anyway, its tank-cleaning time. *more abuse here!*

2009-09-22T16:34:00.004+08:00

Ramadhan is over. Are the goals met? kinda.
If there's one thing I've learnt from it, it's treating every single day as a holy day.
Alhamdullilah. We've managed to experience Ramadhan this year and Insya-Allah we will see Ramadhan again next year.

Selamat Hari Raya to all!..To whoever reads this, my apologies for any misdeeds, unintended words or undoings that have caused you any harm in either way. This goes out to all my friends regardless whether you're muslim or not.

Anyway, after much consulting with peers,parents and relatives, here's what I've decided.

1) First, finish up poly education and attain the highest GPA that I can get so far and set my sights on SMU.

2) (During NS) Lets say I get posted to SAF. I'll see how life in BMT goes and see if i get drafted to sispec or OCS. If all goes well from there and I do get drafted in OCS, then I'll consider taking up a 4 year bond with tuiton fees paid for in the university. If I get drafted to SISPEC, I'll have to take into account the unit or division I'm posted to before taking up any grants.

3) In the case that I get posted to SPF, the 2 year HALO programme will be considered.

4) (Post NS life) It's a little tricky from here on. I've had a brief idea of life in SPF but havent seen SAF yet. I've figured out my life during NS but not after that. Oh well, another time to think about later on huh.

In the meantime, I'm gonna have to get my ass to work!

2009-09-18T21:41:00.003+08:00

They say death is peaceful once you get over the initial shock.

Like knowing you're leaving this world and entering a better one. Perhaps for one nanosecond of my life, I may have felt that. Not literally of course because I felt it all in a dream.

All I remember was dragging some kids to some safe place but it wasnt big enough to accomodate other ppl including me and there was nowhere else to go.

I didnt panic.

Instead, I welcomed that embrace of death. The manner in which I was gonna die didnt matter because it felt as if EVERYTHING you've done in your life made sense and the whole jigsaw puzzle of your life is complete. You're free and devoid of all emotion. There's only this glorious sadness that surrounds you and brings great peace to your heart and soul.

Then there was only one thing left to do, ask for forgiveness from people. But there was only time to ask from one person..but he said I didnt have to.

It's strange that such a dream comes to me in the holy month of Ramadhan.
As for that one person, I'm beginning to think if it was just someone in disguise. Someone whose presence has been with me all along but just didnt know.

Perhaps...?

2009-09-13T21:20:00.002+08:00

Well well,

I didnt expected this much trouble with my major project.
It seems marketing a product overseas isnt as easy unless you have ample knowledge of the country that you intend to market it.

But its a challenge!
A challenge that I'll probably face when starting up my own business soon.

Thankfully, there's new-found determination!
Time to get cracking!

2009-09-10T13:10:00.002+08:00

What would have turned out to be a disastrous result turned out otherwise.
I got back my exam results today!

I passed ALL! WOOHOO!

MLS: D (THE KILLER ONE! THANK GOD I PASSED)

PROCOI: D+ (Thankful for this one as well!)

Managing Info: B (well well, I guess I mixed up somewhere along the way. But thanks to bernard for the project that I did well!)

MSA: B (well, this one turned out as expected. no complaints there)

Modsim: B+ (THIS ONE IS SURPRISING!. Didnt Mr Chan said we failed the project? or maybe he was joking. plus all the crazy graded lab and tests!..how the hell can get B+)

Entrepreneurship: A (Kinda expected. but I owe it all to Christina and Ting Hui for all their hard work that pulled the group up. Thank you so much! and its my first A in my exam!)

So a lesson learnt from the results. GPA was 2.698 but it was rounded up to 2.7. haha. still the same as last sem. I guess I got more than I deserved huh?

Thank you God!

2009-09-09T14:41:00.002+08:00

Humpty dumpty had a great big fall.

Humpty dumpty was cleaning the fish tank in the toilet.
Humpty dumpty had to clean out the dirt from the pump.
Humpty dumpty did just that and refitted it back to living room tank.
Humpty dumpty walked back to the toilet and

THERE HE FELL!

Dammit, it happened so fast I didnt even realise it after I was lying on the floor. like it happened for a nanosecond.Phew. I couldnt breathe for a few seconds and im having trouble breathing NOW!. For goodness sake, I'm an old man and I cant afford any more broken bones!

All because of those goldfishes with their sad, pitiful faces! I actually sympathised with them after they were bobbing their mouths at me! #$%!@
At least they're friendly towards me.

2009-09-08T14:56:00.000+08:00

All you kind souls, please save me and take the survey for my major project!
Click Here to take survey

THANKS!

2009-09-08T07:10:00.003+08:00

MAJOR PROJECT BUSINESS PLAN TO BE DONE IN A WEEK!

Why?because of the YES grant scheme that requires the proposal beforehand!
Oh well, since its fasting month, cant say anything much other than #$%!?@^ (i.e bad words.hehe)

My heart sank the moment Mr Eu said that. Apart from doing the Visa on our own, it's gonna be a whole lot more stuff. But oh well, doesnt come easy eh?

On a brighter note, I've finally got my NYAA booklet and record. The first step would be the adventurous journey. 4 days 3 nights camp at ubin. I hope we dont go to camp resilience!.. I want to sleep in the jungle!

2009-09-07T10:46:00.003+08:00

CIK ILIEE RETURNS TO KEDAH!. HOHO!.
Best of luck there eh!..Enjoy yourself and you'll be fine =)
(OSIP is like NS in a different context!)

I've come to terms with one thing.
I'm balding!
See the photo on Raidah's blog!

Anyway, its been quite some time since I met Md. The iftar on Saturday was a good one together with aunty. Despite busy schedules and whatnots, there's always the saying that humans should always MAKE time. A secret to be shared? neh. not just yet.

Thanks for keeping in contact!..its gonna get a whole lot more busy from now on!

Moving on,
Ramadhan. This month's goals? Just two.
Learn how to balance the cycle of life together with a life on a higher plane of existence. Yup. you saw it correctly. A HIGHER plane of existence!

A friend once asked: "Whats the point of it all? fighting so hard and then it all goes down for nothing" My answer was "I forsee a moment in my life that will be defined by everything I've fought for"

Never been more scared in my entire life when I said that. Sometimes a man's fate shouldnt be sealed so easily by his words. The same goes for mine.

2009-09-03T09:16:00.005+08:00

So now I'm back to square one.

Where does my future lie?

Lets start with current events.

1) GPA 2.7 and I'm not sure if I can reach GPA 3 when I graduate. NTU accepts at least GPA 3 depending on the individual. And for sure, my gpa is gonna drop this sem. So I guess university is highly unlikely.

2) Govt job sector. Of all the three vocations, the army is top of my list but I have to be careful of where I get posted and which unit. I'm not gonna end up as a medic!. Furthermore, there's still the issue of malays/muslims being posted to key units within the army and being entrusted with different appointments. Nonetheless, we all know Brigadier-General Ishak made it there and there's a small number of malays I know who are officers like my brother. So if others before have done it..why not? I wont rule out SPF provided I get a higher qualifications later on in life.

3) Private sector. Job market is still pretty bad in my opinion albeit rising. So I'm gonna have to be a little more careful there. Unlike govt jobs, there's retrenchment involved but its inevitable right?

Looks like im going to have to explore the feasibility of each idea but my heart tells me about the army and I've always believed it within myself that the highest order of life is to serve. The oustanding question is to what point and purpose?

On a less serious note, someone suggested I become a counsellor! And then suddenly it feels like THAT is what im meant to do!

What do all of YOU think?

--------
Let me share a hadith with all of you and I hope its meaning will bring some measure of understand or have a positive impact one way or another. Insya-Allah.

Prepare for life as if to live forever
Prepare for afterlife as if dying tomorrow

2009-09-03T06:57:00.002+08:00

I dont get my classmates. It's fine to finish a project asap but if they're not going to make the MOST out of it..why bother? Some of them already WANT to start on the Major project not because of the time it takes but they just wanna get it over and done with.

The best part is.. what's there to discuss about?

2009-09-02T09:10:00.000+08:00

I've never laughed so hard before in my life!

2009-09-01T10:25:00.003+08:00

Self respect
Self discipline
Self consciousness

Probably one of the FEW things that one can attribute to self-ishness.

2009-09-01T04:38:00.002+08:00

Instead of wasting my ass away at home,

I decided to make myself a little more useful by cleaning up my room. To be frank, it's clean enough but im sure most of you here wont believe me and for good reason!. haha. For a brief moment of madness, I thought I found woodlice in my outdoor training handbook. NOT ONE BUT TWO!. But upon a closer look, they were just silverfish. heh.

Woodlice. The most favourite thing to chase for by the guys in my primary school days. Weird huh? Of all the things we chase, WOODLICE!..but boys will always be boys. Funny though that a creature brings back nostalgia.

Anyway, I came across pictures in the handbook about structures. Those structures reminded me of war machines!. I searched em up on youtube and found my most favourite one of all...THE BALLISTA!

Off to build one now. Rather complex but interesting. The trebuchet,onager and floating arm trebuchet catapults are kinda intriguing also. haha.

What can I say? Its all engineering!

2009-08-29T18:17:00.003+08:00

Now here's something I've trying to figure out else among other things.

Cristiano Ronaldo's freekicks!
A bit wth lah. haha

But still, its been intriguing me ever since that freekick against portsmouth.
which reminds me...

Arsenal vs Manu tonight!

2009-08-28T06:03:00.007+08:00

Here's a new phrase

"There is nothing that can compare with an animal in distress"

At around 10pm yesterday, I heard some cat mewing around the door. It wouldnt be the first time that a cat has done that!..Our house has a notable experience with crazy cats. Especially one getting so riled up that it kept scratching the door because my brother accidentally scared the hell out of it when it was snoozing at the door mat!

So anyway, I was half hoping it would go away. But just to be sure I had to check. HOW I WISH I DIDNT!

For those of you who have been to my house, you'll know that my neighbour keeps some items stashed outside in between our houses which makes a perfectly good spot for a small animal to curl up for the night. And THAT was where the KITTEN, not a cat, was hiding!

It's small enough to be lifted with one hand..white fur with patches of black over its body, a black tail and qrotesque black patches on its head that gives of the bizarre shape of a sad face! HAHA!

So anyway, my brother was at the door and he let the cat in for a while which it promptly did. The kitten seems to think the dining table is some kind of playground because it started running around like a firecracker! My brother gave it some food (which was some strips of chicken!..kinda messed up lah).

So afterwards I had to bring the bugger downstairs. I dont want to say what the kitten was trying to do but I just want to say I've had slightly scary experiences with desperate cats and I was not in the mood to hold a writhing kitten in one hand while I was waiting for the lift.

But after his head got squashed by the lift door (NOT MY FAULT!), I had to hold him in my hand!

Anyway, he'll be back. The cats that drop by my house are like passenger pigeons lah. They always know how to get back to where they came from! #$%)!

2009-08-27T17:25:00.002+08:00

400th post and how fitting it will be for me to say this

WELCOME TO ENDGAME!

Not endgame for my blog but exams. I dont suppose I'd be ending up in a university (possible but highly unlikely I guess) so perhaps its the end of EXAMS for the REST OF MY LIFE! HAHA!

On to more serious matters, I can finally get my mind focused and in peace at the right times. Been having this crazy headaches everytime I wake up from sleep. Lucky I didnt make the trip down to HTA help out with the admin and collect my NPAP shirt. I would have ended up elsewhere instead of HTA!

In between the lines, I want to finally focus on things I WANT to do WITHOUT obligation because they just weigh on me EVERYTIME.

The next order of business is my PPCDL theory test on 3rd Sept. Afterwhich comes Hari Raya and perhaps NYAA. I wonder if I should sign up for the Adventure Camp to Pulau Ubin by TPAC. The thing is I've seen Ubin all round duno how many times.

Maybe a change perhaps?
It's best to make the most out of the NYAA anyway

2009-08-24T23:05:00.003+08:00

This year's goal for Ramadhan is simple yet complicated in the eyes of some.

To find that link of merging traditions with the modern society today.
I wont discuss this here since its a pretty sensitive subject.

During retrospect, I found a long lost friend who's name has been cropping up since. I first knew him when my mom sent me to mengaji at tamp st 21 there. (Speaking of which, I found Nazrul at EVSS also last time!)

Md Salman!

1) I duno if Zeya knows him or not but from his old blog posts, seems like he does albeit not knowing whether its the Salman I'm referring to.

2) A few years back my mother mentioned Salman breaking the junior 100m national record! Means he must have appeared in the newspapers.

3) And now I'm sure the Salman that PM Lee mentioned in his national day rally is DEFINITELY the Salman I'm referring to. He went to St Joseph's Institution and excelled.

Wait, he excels in EVERYTHING!
Wonder where he is now...

2009-08-24T04:17:00.003+08:00

Finally they had sense to cancel athletics training.

Anyway, its 4.17am and I just watched the IAAF championships. The sprinters just forcefully reminded me of the good old sports days back in dunman. Me n faiz being crazy would take part in ALL the long distance events and relays! Not forgetting the cross country's also!

The most memorable of relays is the 4x400m where we raced from LAST to SECOND within the last 100m. And my last race in dunman, the 2000m steeplechase which was the first and last race I won. The 2005 cross country where me n faiz came in first and 2nd respectively was another memorable one. And achievements for both of us! We ran the WHOLE of pasir ris park back and forth (6 or 7km) within 17 minutes!

Of course now, I dont think I can run that fast now.

But after watching the IAAF on tv, I WANNA RUN AGAIN!
I'd like to feel the thrill of the adrenaline pumping in my veins and that heady sense of purpose walking onto the tracks.

THE SPRINTS! Been so long since I've done them!

WHO WANTS TO RUN? (after puasa of course)

2009-08-21T18:06:00.003+08:00

ATHLETICS Training during Ramadhan. THE MOST SEVERE YET!
Oh holy crap!

They're trying to emancipate!

So its either I'm gonna grow more skinnier or much fatter during Ramadhan. (which is impossible)
That aside, I'm looking forward to Ramadhan, not just as a festive period but rather a time to purify ourselves and something much more which I cant find words to put it into proper context.

Happy Fasting in advance!

2009-08-20T01:28:00.003+08:00

This will blow your mind. Read on but I dont expect many people to fully comprehend this.Nonetheless, here goes.

Almost five years ago, a bright idea came to me. A great inspiration. One that would overshadow all the previous doings in its own thought. Its not some great big plan or anything.
It was just simply perception. I didnt realise how tainted it was from the start because everything seemed so perfect..like ushering into a new era.

The perception? Simple. The whole world is just a game..whether its chess,monopoly, snakes and ladders...they're all the same. Its all like some psychological shit.

But then, change one thing in your life and the world responds like it always does. Thats the thing about perception. Its like a double edged sword that either goes nearer to your sternum or further away from it. In this particular case however, I didnt like the way it was going. Everything slowly began to not make any sense whatsoever. Maybe it was something I couldnt understand. Something larger than life.

Everyday, I find myself so amazed at the complications people put themselves into and the answer to that would always be their agenda or purpose. Fair enough? Not quite. You see, at some point of time, that agenda becomes lost and it ends up another way.
Maybe my own perception of life is just too simplified in its own design and in an effort to understand others, I did what even a dumb man knew was a mistake.

I figuratively put myself in the shoes of others.

And look where I ended up?
In another effort to understand, I took a look at my own family. Well, I wont go into details because its rather sensitive.

At this point of time you'll wonder how this makes any sense. Put it this way then. I've moulded myself so much till I feel so different from everyone else to the extent of alienating!

After 5 years, I still find myself immensely frustrated. Yes I know its not healthy harping on something in the past that you cant understand. Perhaps the one time where it did come to make sense was during a CDS (leadership) lecture explaining characteristics.

I still remember what my law lecturer, Mr Ferlin Jayatissa told me last time " You try to make too much sense of everything. Sometimes things just happens and its meant not to be understood" (somewhere along those lines).
And finally after 2 years, I've come to realise what he meant. The hidden meaning behind his words.

Now everything comes to down to a mere decision. A decision that I've hidden myself from all along. A decision I'd like all of you to think about as well.

"What do you choose to see in this world?"

2009-08-19T16:57:00.004+08:00

Now the past few days of soul searching have done some good.

I've come to accept who I am.
The fact is

I'm just fucking crazy.
No joke.

I realise half the things I do arent what many people do everyday.
But as long it keeps my sanity( contradicting huh? since im crazy) and me from being bored.
Somehow whenever I see myself as crazy, one person comes to mind and I cant help feeling like he does.

TIME TO GO CRAZY!
So first things first,
OTTERS SPOTTED AT PASIR RIS PARK!
I'm gonna make sure as hell I'm gonna spot them unlike the previous time where I couldnt get to see the crocodile! #!$%^?
So we're going from crocodile hunter to otter hunter! haha.
Any takers?

2009-08-18T23:50:00.003+08:00

I've just been given the most painful lesson of my life. wont go into details.
Of all the God-given treasures in this world, I'm blessed with so many and that probably makes me beyond rich.
All this while I've been blind.

All I had to do was just use them.

I'm probably the luckiest human being in the world. The stupid thing is when was the last time did I EVER see anything through till the end?

2009-08-18T19:37:00.002+08:00

So let's get the first round of MP started.

YOU!..the one reading this sentence. Please save my life and Click Here to take survey

I wonder if crumpler bags are a good idea

2009-08-18T16:49:00.002+08:00

The first fish for the first rod!
I went down to pasir ris fishing pond at 7am yesterday.
It wasnt such a good day since the pond was low on fish and that day happened to be the day the fish delivery arrived.

So I was wasting time away from 7am to 5pm until I got the first fish at 5.15pm!

WOOOHOO!!

Picture is up at facebook. I was snoozing away on my chair when the fish took the bait!..so it was probably thrashing around in the water for at least 5-10 mins before I woke up! That feeling of seeing the floater missing is almost heart-stopping! coz you know its the fish and nothing else!

The nice tight pulls that the fish gave n the sound of the reel dispensing its line according to fish's strength is all that I can remember of. haha. Lucky the malay uncle next to me gave me a few directions when reeling in.

It's only one fish but its enough for me. haha.
Thanks for coming regu!

2009-08-16T20:05:00.003+08:00

Of all the words in my vocabulary,

There are none that I can use to describe yesterday.
A milestone perhaps? oh yes.
Other than that, anything I say wouldnt do justice.

But one thing's for sure. I'll be looking forward to the next training =)

2009-08-15T13:19:00.002+08:00

Drill Competition 2009.

Trained for less than 2 weeks.
Finalising and changing everything until the last damn minute.
I dont want to be the one claiming credit for what I did for them especially since there's alot of personal sacrifice for that matter. Make no mistake, there's no regret from me. NADA!

Right, we dont need a soliloquy. We won OVERALL FIRST! duno bout the placings of our components though.

Nobody expected it at all. heh. I still cant erase ms si's happy face from my mind!
Whether it was well deserved or not, doesnt matter. You got it and that's what matters.

My only regret is if only they had faith in themselves like I had faith in them. Who knows what could have been accomplished?

2009-08-15T00:21:00.000+08:00

Cldnt get to the lake today. As a result, the experiments are delayed AGAIN!

$%#@!

2009-08-14T08:00:00.001+08:00

The end of a tumultous semester. Sub paper awaits? haha. we'll see about that.
I miss the lake. I'm going there now

2009-08-12T06:18:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you cant have everything planned out.
You just gotta take that leap of faith in the darkness.

I didnt realise how true those words meant when I found myself at a tangible block!

Anyway, I did some researching on Vietnam and found out about their norms and culture. For one, the locals still call their capital Saigon instead of Ho Chi Minh City and quite a number still speak french since it used to be a french colony for a few decades.

Amidst all that, I find myself thinking more and more about what I can do for them when I'm going there. I'm glad Zul has the same notion as well. The idea of an overseas community project looms even nearer. It may even go international. Who knows? There's a whole host of things I can do when I'm there.
It seems the OSIP in Vietnam will change my life forever.
For the better of course.
I hope.

2009-08-11T03:09:00.002+08:00

I think that what has been revealed to me is the most wonderful yet most dangerous thing ever.
Thank God!
But I foresee a moment in the future when all this is worthwhile.
A moment in which nothing I do will be my choice.

Enough of all the angst and frustration. It wouldnt make any sense for anyone to be that way.